Why Being Quiet Can Change Everything: The Strategy of Falling Back Without Losing Yourself

Davina Dandridge
Sep 4
4 min read

Have you ever left a meeting replaying every word you said, wondering if you should have spoken less? Or maybe you have left a conversation with your husband or friend where you explained your feelings ten different ways, and still you did not feel understood.

In both spaces, professional and personal, women are taught to perform for emotional peace. We perform by speaking first, by overexplaining, by showing up extra, and by making sure our presence is undeniable. The problem is that performance does not always equal presence. Sometimes it only creates pressure.

The Hidden Cost of Always Being “On”

Psychologists call this impression management. It is the act of shaping how others see you, and women use it more often because we are conditioned to believe that silence means invisibility. The workplace rewards visibility, but the truth is more complicated.

A Harvard Business Review study found that employees who spoke too often in meetings were rated as less competent than those who reserved their comments strategically. A separate study in the Journal of Applied Psychology revealed that leaders who constantly self-promoted were often seen as attention-seeking rather than authoritative.

This is not just a corporate issue. It shows up at home and in love as well. How many times have you found yourself overexplaining a boundary to a partner because you feared that “no” would not be enough? How often have you said yes to requests from friends because silence felt selfish? These patterns are not evidence of weakness. They are evidence of women trying to protect their identities by proving their worth in every situation.

A Story of Performance and Pressure

There was a season in my life when I felt responsible for every space I entered. I thought that if I was not the loudest, the most prepared, or the one with the answer, I would lose credibility. The problem was not a lack of confidence. The problem was that I did not trust my worth to speak for me. I performed because I feared invisibility, not because I doubted my intelligence.

I remember being in a room where I had rehearsed my contributions, and even though my points landed, I left feeling drained. I realized later that I was collecting receipts of relevance instead of allowing my presence to stand on its own. Falling back with intention shifted everything for me. I did not become less powerful. I became less performative and more emotionally sophisticated.

The Spiritual and Emotional Anchor

Scripture reminds us that there is wisdom in restraint. Proverbs 17:27 says, “He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.” Quiet is not absence. Quiet is not weakness. Quiet is alignment with intention. It is the ability to trust that your voice does not need to fill every silence in order to carry weight.

The Danger of Overexplaining

Overexplaining ruins your authority. In the workplace, it signals insecurity. In relationships, it minimizes your needs. When you explain yourself over and over, you teach others that your boundaries are negotiable. Leadership, whether at work or in love, requires clarity more than repetition.

Think about the leader who contributes one powerful insight after listening carefully. Think about the partner who simply says, “This does not work for me,” without performing a monologue to justify the choice. These are the people who build credibility and trust because their restraint communicates confidence.

A Self-Gut Check

Before you speak in your next meeting or explain yourself in your next conversation, ask yourself these questions:

Am I speaking to add impact, or am I speaking to prove I belong here?
Would my silence give me more influence than my words in this moment?
Is this about connection or control of perception?

Your answers will reveal whether you are operating from alignment or performance.

A Practical Action Step

Choose one space this week where you will practice restraint. If you are at work, pause before you contribute in a meeting. Let others speak, and then offer one concise insight. If you are at home, pause before overexplaining a boundary. Let your words stand on their own. Notice the difference when you keep quiet. You may be surprised to find that silence often adds more weight than an explanation.

The Takeaway

Your value is not measured by how often you speak, how much you do, or how loudly you perform. Your value is measured by what lingers after you leave the room. Quiet strength is not invisibility. Quiet strength is emotional clarity. Whether you are leading a team, protecting your heart, or navigating friendships, sometimes the most powerful move is not to say more, but to trust that your presence already speaks for you.