When You Stopped Dressing Up and Started Disappearing, Emotionally

There comes a moment when a high-functioning woman, successful by every standard, catches her reflection in the mirror and asks herself a question she’s never asked before: “When did I stop showing up for myself?”

You’re not messy. You’re still presentable. But the spark is different. The energy is different. The woman in the mirror is quieter, less expressive, less… felt. Not because she’s broken inside but because she’s diminishing outside. The slow reduction of self-expression often starts with your wardrobe.

You used to enjoy the process of dressing. Choosing what to wear, how to pair pieces, how to carry yourself. Now you’re tired. Your wardrobe is just functional. Your hair is clean, your shoes are comfortable, and your lip gloss choice is whatever’s nearby. Maybe that seems reasonable for a woman with your responsibilities. But let me ask you something.

Does your current expression match your future? Or just your exhaustion?

Clothing Is Communication. It Always Has Been.

We don’t wear clothes simply to cover our bodies. We wear them to communicate how we see ourselves. For women with vision, that communication goes deeper than just fashion trends.

As I teach in Brains & Baubles, how we wear clothing is an emotional strategy. It tells your nervous system how to move through a room. It signals to your subconscious that you are still becoming the woman you want to be. And most importantly, it matches your self-awareness with your outer expression. When your appearance becomes an afterthought, what you’re really saying is that you have become an afterthought to yourself.

This isn’t about “dressing up.” It’s about showing up.

According to Dr. Adam Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School, there’s a term for this. It’s called "enclothed cognition." The way we dress doesn’t just influence how others perceive us; it also influences how we perceive ourselves. Wearing clothes that reflect your power and potential increases focus, confidence, and even ethical behavior. Your outfit isn’t shallow. It’s somatic.

Proverbs 31—and What We Miss

When people reference the Proverbs 31 woman, they often focus on her work ethic, her discipline, and her role in the home. But one verse tends to be skipped: "She is clothed in fine linen and purple."

This was not frivolity. It was a strategy.

Fine linen and purple weren’t just aesthetic choices. They were symbols of economic wisdom, divine alignment, and dignified presence. This woman, often viewed as the epitome of balance, was deeply aware that how she presented herself was part of how she positioned herself. It wasn’t vanity. It was visibility with dignity. She shined!

And for the woman today, living out her own version of Proverbs 31, raising children, leading teams, supporting households, this still applies. The question is, what are you clothed in now? And what does that say about how you see yourself?

Case Study: “I Just Don’t Feel Like Me Anymore.”

One of my clients, a wife, executive, and mother of two, came to me after a season of burnout. She was still functioning, still working, and still leading. But she told me, “Davina, I feel invisible in my own life.”

She had let go of certain routines. No more statement pieces. No more intentional color. She was wearing ballet flats and neutrals every day. She called it comfort. But emotionally, she was displaying her resigned appearance.

We used the Self-Gut Check Method, one of the frameworks I teach, and identified the belief underneath her behavior. She wasn’t dressing down because she felt free to do so. She was dressing down because she was depleted.

She hadn’t stopped being expressive. She had stopped giving herself permission to express.

We worked on aligning her inner vision of herself with outer signals. She didn’t need to wear a designer label. She just needed to show up in ways that reflected who she wanted to be, not just who she had to be.

Dressing for Your Future Self

This is where so many high-achieving women get stuck. You’ve earned the right to be respected for your intellect. Your résumé speaks volumes. Your accomplishments are real. So why bother with the dressing and primping?

Here’s why.

Your presence enters the room before your words.

And when your outer presence no longer mirrors your inner ambition, you create dissonance. Not only in how others perceive you, but in how you perceive yourself.

Future-self dressing is not about being trendy. It’s about being aligned with the woman you are becoming.

Sometimes that looks like a silk blouse and wide-leg pants. Sometimes it’s clean, minimal jewelry and a bold red lip. Other times, it’s structured loungewear and fresh braids. The point isn’t the item. The point is intention.

In Brains & Baubles, I remind readers: You are allowed to be visible without being performative. You are allowed to be stylish without being shallow. You are allowed to be powerful and present at the same time.

If You’ve Stopped Showing Up, You Can Start Again

There’s no shame in letting go for a season. We’ve all been there.

But here’s your quiet invitation back to yourself:

• Choose one day this week.

• Curate a look that reflects the woman you are becoming.

• Don’t wait for an occasion. Make yourself the occasion.

  
  

Not because someone is watching you.

But because you see yourself.

Your emotional clarity deserves a visual companion. And your future self is already watching to see if you’re willing to believe in her, visibly.

Next Step:

Take the Emotional Sophistication Map . It will help you identify what you’re emotionally underdressing for. It’s not about your closet. It’s about your clarity.

And if you haven’t already, read Brains & Baubles: Do What Works For You. It’s your guide to reclaiming power in how you feel, how you move, and how you express yourself, without dressing for approval.

Your wardrobe might not be your problem. But it may signal your starting point of your diminished self-expression.

Let’s get you back to the version of you who still cares enough to be seen, by you first.