What Being Seen Really Means (In Love, At Work, and At Home)
- Davina Dandridge
- Aug 8
- 6 min read
Updated: Aug 11
You’re not needy, and you’re not invisible. But something inside you still wonders why nobody really sees you.
You’ve mastered how to function flawlessly. In fact, you’re the woman who shows up, fixes things, figures it all out, and keeps it moving. Yet, if you’re honest, you’re carrying everyone’s emotional weight, and no one is checking on you.
That’s what Love Level 1 is about. It’s not about grand gestures or finding your soulmate. It’s about asking yourself: Have I ever really been emotionally seen?
Not admired. Not thanked. Seen.
The Difference Between Being Admired and Being Seen
Admiration is transactional. You do something impressive, and people applaud.
Being seen is intimate. It’s someone noticing that you’re feeling without you having to explain it. It’s when your emotional bandwidth gets factored into the equation, not just your performance.
In Brains and Baubles: Do What Works for You, I wrote about the years I spent being “the strong one” even when my emotions were all over the place. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling. I just knew at some point I could break. Back then, being needed made me feel worthy. But over time, I realized that being used for my strength was not the same as being valued for my humanity.
Being emotionally seen helps your future self breathe easier and enjoy emotional freedom. It gives her permission to ask for help, take a pause without guilt, and admit when she’s tired. This is the freedom I was looking for. I felt emotionally free enough to stop performing to be seen.
Case Study: Latrice, the “Low-Maintenance” One
Shannon is a 44-year-old VP in a major healthcare system. She’s the woman her team depends on to keep morale high, budgets tight, and operations working seamlessly. At home, she’s the responsible daughter and the favorite aunt.
But in our private session, she said something that was true for most women.
“I’ve taught everyone that I don’t need much. Now they believe me.”
That’s the trap. Shannon had confused emotional invisibility with emotional independence. She learned to hide behind being low-maintenance, and over time, people took her word for it. No one asked how she was doing. No one ever wondered how much she gave up to make everything look easy.
Why It’s Time to Want More
Here’s why having your emotions seen matters: if you don’t allow yourself to be emotionally seen, you will never know who’s truly safe enough to support you.
You can’t trust just anyone with your emotions. You have built a fence to protect you so that you can do what needs to be done. When you stay in emotional hiding, you block your future self from experiencing real rest, creative clarity, or intimacy. You’ll always feel like the air gets thinner when it’s time for you to speak up.
Being seen gives you room to say:
“I need a moment.”
“I don’t have the answer yet.”
“I need help with this.”
The more you honor the version of yourself that doesn’t push her feelings aside, the one who pauses before speaking, the one who admits when she needs help, and the one who is open to receiving help, the more freedom you create.
You begin operating with Sophisticated Empowerment.
Emotional Labor and Emotional Invisibility
According to a study published in the journal Sex Roles, women carry the majority of emotional weight both at home and at work. Emotional labor isn’t just about managing other people’s feelings. It’s also about constantly suppressing your own.
And when that becomes your default, you stop being seen as a person. People see you for what you do. Then, you're seen as a role, a resource, and a reliable system.
We don’t talk enough about what that does to a woman’s sense of self. And we certainly don’t talk about the impact on her future.
The Cost of Being “Strong” at Work
In the corporate world, high-performing women often get recognized with one hand and emotionally erased with the other. We get the promotions, but not the check-ins. We get the respect, but not the recognition of the weight we’re carrying.
Maybe we expect too much. The corporate system doesn’t always give back in the way that we give to the company.
You can’t be emotionally honest in a system that only values your outcome.
But here's the truth: Being strategic with your emotions is not cold. It's Sophisticated Empowerment. You're allowed to show up as a full woman, not just a functional one.
And if your workplace, mate, or family doesn’t know how to hold space for that? You get to teach them. Or move accordingly.
You show people how to treat you.
Vulnerability is a Strategy
When people hear the word vulnerability, they think of falling apart or spilling all of their secrets. That’s not what it looks like in a sophisticated and empowered life.
Vulnerability means this:I trust myself enough to show you what I feel, and I trust you enough to see it.
It’s about recognizing who has earned the right to see you without passing judgment. Not everyone qualifies for this access to you. When you’re able to identify the ones that qualify to become members of your community, your whole life softens.
You’ll find yourself less tense in meetings, more honest in love, and more forgiving of your past self.
That’s what being emotionally seen makes possible.
The Role of Self-Awareness in Being Seen
Self-awareness is not just emotional protection; it’s emotional exposure. It’s the moment you admit that something’s missing. This moment is when you realize that you will no longer accept being ignored.
This is why I created the Self-Gut Check Method. This is how I learned to pause before I react. There are five strategic questions to help you separate emotional urgency from emotional strategy. It's how high-achieving women like us stop impulsively giving away our peace and start planning our emotional responses like we plan our day. You’ll become an emotional planner instead of a triggered responder.
This method has helped my clients reduce unnecessary conflict, say what needs to be said when it counts, and protect the version of themselves they're becoming, not the one they've been taught to perform.
God Sees You, Even When People Don’t
In Psalm 139:1–3 (KJV), it says:
“O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising,thou understandest my thought afar off.”
This verse reminded me, especially about being a caregiver for my mom, that being seen by God is evidence that God keeps record of what others miss about us. And when you start practicing gratitude journaling, not as a ritual but as a record of how God has blessed you many times over your life, you’ll start seeing it too.
I call it “proof of presence.”
When you feel emotionally erased, open your journal and write down about a time you made it through a difficult situation, a loss, or insecure feelings. You made it through. Who gave you the strength? Where did your peace come from? You’ll begin to see that you were never walking alone in this world.
Love Level 1 Is the Beginning of Your Evolution
Love Level 1 is not about anyone else.
It’s about you deciding that being useful and dependable is no longer enough. That being thanked is no longer satisfying if you’re still invisible.
You don’t need more hype. You need more clarity.
You need language for what you’re feeling. You need a strategy for how to respond to it.
And most of all, you need a place where your emotional sophistication gets seen, not ignored.
Your Emotional Sophistication Map Is Waiting
If this post hit home, you’re not alone.I created the Emotional Sophistication Map for women just like you. It’s a private self-diagnostic to help you find out where you’re emotionally stuck and what your next move should be.
No fluff. No shame. Just insight.
Take 5 minutes and get started today.
Reflection Question
Where have I taught people to ignore my emotions, and what boundary do I need to reset this week?
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